Why the Emperor’s New Groove is the Greatest Movie of All Time

Okay, maybe behind the Godfather (or Pulp Fiction and a Miyazaki film), but still. Surely Emperor’s New Groove, full of poetic elegance, hammers, and really really tall waterfalls, the inspiring tale of how a man turns into a llama and grows a heart, ranks among the greatest of the greats.

This is comedy gold. 

In case you have no idea what this movie is about, it’s basically about a pre Columbian south american emperor who’s an asshole, but gets turned into a llama.

Hilarity ensues.

This post is definitely not going to be me posting random youtube clips of the movie.

Plus, it has this man in it.


Yes, this beautiful man. This beautiful, beautiful, hunk of a man. I mean look at that shoulder to hip ratio.


He is the envy of all male super models. Not only that, but he can speak the languages of all the woodland creatures, and is empathetic to boot.

He’s far from perfect. He’s overenthusiastic, and at times, frankly, a bit dull.


More than once he puts his strapping partner in crime Yzma in to tough situations. But that’s okay, everyone makes mistakes. And if that someone making mistakes is as beautiful as Kronk, I tend to forgive.

Moving on. This movie has some serious literary and cinematic techniques at play here. The classic transformation of a beautiful royal into a homely animal, used in this case to humble the figure and make him less of a serious dickwad. It’s set up as a frame narrative and other fun things, and it also confronts the viewer with those tough questions about morality.


Long story short, this is a must-watch. A doubleplusgood must watch. Go on youtube right now and watch it, unless you have better things to do (doubtful), like eating and breathing. And if you still hunger for more grooves, there is a sequel…

I will be learning this dance routine.

Next week? Maybe I’ll analyze George RR Martin’s ASOIAF, maybe I’ll post some of my own writing, maybe not. Until then…

This week’s book: Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut

This week’s album: Bitches Brew, Miles Davis


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